In one of the largest recalls of its kind in the nation's history, 22.7 million pounds of contaminated U.S. grade A beefcake are to be pulled from circulation. The beefcake recall includes all Mr. Universe contestants, 80% of the nation's tanned and glistening male lifeguards, 15% of its shirtless cattle ranchers and nearly three quarters of its bare-chested, suspender-wearing fire fighters. The hot and steamy beefcake is reportedly contaminated with E. coli bacterium which can cause severe diarrhea and cramps as well as other complications.
It is likely the recall will further depress the long slumping housing and auto markets since one in four toned and chiseled construction workers and a fifth of all sweaty, oiled up car mechanics have been reportedly affected as well.
“Because the health and safety of our citizens is our top priority, we are taking these expansive measures,” said Jenny Lovemire, spokesperson for the assistant secretary of the Department of Health and Human Services. Ms. Lovemire said consumers should wash hands thoroughly if they believe they have handled contaminated hunky beefcake.
The current beefcake debacle is the most expansive recall of man-flesh since 28 million pounds of tainted plumbers was taken off the streets in the crack epidemic of 1991.
Consumers seem to be accepting the recall in stride. Atlanta resident Katie Leebee expressed resignation over the incident. “We were supposed to take our friend Alyssa to a Chippendale's show for her bachelorette party,” said Ms Leebee, “but I guess we'll all just stay at my apartment and watch reruns of 'Brothers & Sisters' and 'Desperate Housewives'."
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