Thursday, August 30, 2007

Katie Couric to pull first Iraq tour

This is a rush transcript from an interview with our Middle East correspondent, Bryce Macombe. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
... ... ...
Walter Jefferies (HHWT News Anchor): Good morning Bryce.

Bryce Macombe (Baghdad): Well, it's Baghdad so I don't know about 'good' but it is morning. That's for sure. What?! You guys can't figure out the time change? It's not bad enough I gotta sleep in Kevlar and diapers? Now I gotta drag my ass outta bed at 4AM for a fluff piece?!

WJ: Sorry. Sorry about that, Bryce. We're, all of us here very appreciative of your sacrifices, but I wouldn't call Katie Couric visiting Ira... Wait. Wait. Diapers? Why're you sleeping in diapers?

BM: Burrito night in the Greenzone, Walt. You do not want to make a rush visit to the latrine at 1am after 250 marines stormed that beachhead. Talk about IED! Whoa! Trust me on this one, Walt.

WJ: Okay, okay, Bryce. That's fine. Listen. What's the word on the ground about Katie Couric's first visit to Iraq? Is there excitement over it? Are people excited?

BM: Very much, Walt. I tell ya, everyone is looking forward to the reinforcements her division will bring. Ever since the surge started everybody here has been pulling double patrol duty and working 18 hour...

WJ: Bryce! Bryce! Wait a minute! What do you mean her division? She's going to anchor the CBS Nightly News from Baghdad, isn't she?

BM: What? Nooo, Walt. Her National Guard division was called up. Yeah, she's a weekend warrior! The fightin' 42nd. Well... now she'll be a fifteen month warrior, but that's what they've been training for all these years, right?

WJ: You're kidding me! She's going to Iraq as a soldier?! How is that possible? What could she possibly do there?

BM: Yeah Walt! That's right! She's special ops! The commanders I've talked to are pretty tight lipped about mission details. Something about 'infiltrating insurgent strongholds' with 'disarming perkiness' or something. Pshhh! I don't know. She does have killer legs though, Walt! Am I right or am I right, huh?!

WJ: Yes she does have great legs, you are right about that Bryce. Listen, we have to go but one last question. If she's gonna be serving in Iraq for the next year, any word on her replacement in the anchor chair at CBS?

BM: Ummm...Ohhh. Yeah, I see what your drivin' at big guy. Yeah sure. Like you gotta prayer. Pffh! Keep dreamin' Walty! I've seen your calves. No chance, baby!

WJ: Well, alright. Okay then Bryce. Good talking to you. Stay safe over there.

BM: Yeah. Sure. Hey! Could you send some Desenex 'cause I'm really startin' to chafe...

WJ: We'll get right on that, Bryce. HHWT News signing off.

No comments: