The following is a rush transcript from an interview with our Senior Science correspondent, Bryce Macombe. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.Walter Jefferies (HHWT News): And now let's check in with our Senior Science correspondent Bryce Macombe, who's at Johnson Space Center in Houston embedded with the astronaut crew training for the next mission aboard Shuttle Discovery set to launch, I believe, on October 23rd. Bryce. Bryce? Bryce, are you there?
[live video image - hatch on outside of shuttle mock-up at JSC]
WJ (voice over video): Hellooo, Bryce? (aside) Is he there? Have we got him?
[live video image - mock-up hatch opens revealing smoke-filled interior and loud music, hooting and laughter from within. Bryce staggers out amongst clinking/tinny sounds of empty bottles/cans falling about his feet while clouds of smoke escape above him. Hatch closes behind him with a puff of smoke, muffling interior sounds.]
WJ: Bryce. Uh. Wha-wha-wha... What's going on?
BM: Whadya you mean? Oh, that? (indicating mock-up behind him) It's aaaa... simulator... training session. Yeah. Non-stop preparation around here these days, Walt. And, ya know, they're a real close knit group too, this crew. I mean, at first it was tough to get them to loosen up around me and just talk. I think they were worried about a hatchet job, or something. But I've slowly won them over and now they seem to have accepted me into their “astro-fraternity.” (air-quotes, laughs) I'm gettin' total, behind the scenes access, Walt.
WJ: That's great, Bryce. But... that... that didn't seem to be a training session going on in there. It sounded more like a party.
BM: Mmmm? No. (thoughtfully, then dismissively) The crew's just relaxing between sessions. You know. Blowin' off a little steam. 14 hour days here, Walt. You gotta know how to pace yourself or you might end up goin' all “Nowak” on someone's ass.
WJ: I'm sorry. “Nowak”?
BM: Yeah. Though you'd have a hell of a time hording launch diapers these days the way security has been bumped up.
WJ: Alright. That's fine Bryce. Listen, what does the crew think of the latest NASA report that finds no evidence of pre-launch drinking by astronauts? Do they agree? Did they ever think there was a problem with that sort of thing?
BM: Well Walt, the astronauts I've been speaking to find the whole notion of drunken shuttle crews absolutely preposterous. And, I mean, I totally have to agree. Have you seen the cockpit in that thing? It makes the instrument panel of a 747 look like some sorta low rent Hollywood set. I mean, when I'm lit I can't even microwave a gas station burrito without settin' off the sprinkler system. Yer tellin' me they're gonna be puttin' a shuttle in orbit with a buzz? Pfff! C'mon.
WJ: But these are highly trained professional pilots. The best of the best. Prepared to fly under adverse conditions of all sorts. And besides, as I understand it, most of the launch is done with autopilot. So...
BM (looking over both shoulders): (under breath) Shhh, Walt. You don't wanna bring that autopilot thing up. Kind of a touchy subject around these guys. Just... trust me on that.
WJ: Okay, alright, fine...
BM: The bottom line, Walt, is that an internal NASA review found no truth to the scandalous tabloid accusations put forth by whatever rumor-rag needed a sales boost that week.
WJ: But... Bryce... the initial reports of drinking came from the astronauts' own answers to questionnaires given by NASA. Not the tabloids. How do they explain that?
BM: Walt, c'mon. I mean, how truthful are you when yer fillin' out those workplace questionnaires? They always send them around on a Friday afternoon when everyone's completely fried anyway. I mean, these guys are comin' back from space, Walt. They can barely walk. They're on no sleep. Then it's all “here, you gotta fill out this form before you can punch out.” Pfff. Nobody's gonna put any serious thought into that. I mean, according to those anonymous questionnaire's 95% of the astronaut corp are homosexual, ethnic Indian Wiccans!
[live video – behind BM, mock-up's hatch opens a crack with puff of escaping smoke. Music, laughter and shouting emerge. BM turns head toward hatch with hand cupping ear.]
WJ: Okay, I see. So you think the initial findings were skewed, but does that mean...
BM (turning back toward camera): I'm sorry Walt. But I gotta get back in there. I think mission specialist Wilson is table dancing! I've been tryin' to “dock with her station” all week, if ya know what I mean. (laughs) This is Bryce Macombe in Houston. Walt?
[live video – BM turns and hurries toward mock-up.]
WJ: Alright then. Thanks Bryce. Good luck with that. We'll check in with you later.
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